


A Clash of Ymirs

by Atma



Category: Queen's Blade, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, Gen, dumb as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atma/pseuds/Atma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ymir meets Ymir. One's tall and rugged, the other short and scammy. Both are rude as heck. What happens when the world can't handle both?</p>
<p>Contains Ymirs and bad sales tactics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Clash of Ymirs

Destiny had long since determined these two would meet.

It happened on a poppy-speckled hill shortly after lunch one day, with the sky blue and no threat in sight. Up one side came Ymir, and up the other came Ymir. One was tall and dark and handsome and rugged in that way ladies get, and the other was short and pale and carrying a pack at least twice the size of her. When they met in the middle, they stopped immediately and examined each other, eyes glaring.

The short Ymir spoke up first.

“Hey, you! You look like a woman of discerning taste! How'd you like to buy a genuine dwarven steel weapon off of me?” said the paler one, grinning wide and pointing her thumb towards her backpack.

“Wow.” exclaimed the taller Ymir, blinking a bit as she looked down. Shit, that kid had to be almost two feet shorter than her at least. The hell was she doing trying to throw a sales pitch at her when it looked liked she should be at home with her parents playing dress-up? “You're short.”

This set the shorter one off bad. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M SHORT? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A FULLY GROWN DWARVEN WOMAN AND PROBABLY OLDER THAN YOU AND WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN!”

“Holy shit, calm down, kid.” said the taller Ymir, scratching her head and secretly doubting to herself she was older or fully grown or capable of kicking any ass except her own by mistake. “If it makes you feel any better, I'll look at your weapon, I guess.”

“That's better, hrmph! I was almost about to leave without having given you the privilege of even touching one of my own handmade axes!” grumbled the shorter girl, setting her bag down and unlatching an axe that had been on top of the bag, holding it out like an offering to the tall girl. “Lifetime guarantee! You won't find anything better!”

The taller girl shrugged and figured may as well try it. If it worked, she'd have a badass new toy and be able to impress the ladies while titan hunting much easier. If not, then she could finally send this brat on her way and find her way back to Christa's arms. She took the axe from the other girl's hand and held it in one hand, looking around and spotting a convenient tree to test it on. 

Ymir, as in the rugged one, made her way over to it and swung the axe with both hands as hard as she could, licking her lips as it impacted and seeing a sizable dent left in the tree. She also noticed the huge crack that now ran down the head of the axe, spitting out a tch as she yanked it out and gave it back. What a waste of time and energy this was.

“Cheap piece of shit. Look, can I go now? I got things to do, shortstuff. Go home and play blacksmith there or whatever.” the tall Ymir sighed, trying to make her way past and down the hill, only to find herself blocked by the short one jumping up and down and throwing a tantrum.

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE GREAT YMIR'S HANDIWORK! YOU JUST DIDN'T USE IT RIGHT! WHY I OUGHTA---” she was cut short as the tall one placed a hand on her head and pushed down. Fighting rowdy short people was always so easy.

“So what, you're going to insult my name now? Because I'm Ymir. Not you. This world ain't big enough for two of us, so if you don't stop, I'm afraid you're going to meet with a terrible fate, kiddo.” snarled the tall Ymir, glaring sharply down at her similarly-named foe.

“NUH-UH! I'M YMIR! I'M TOO GOOD FOR YOU TO HAVE MY NAME! FUCK YOU, GET YOUR SLIMY HANDS OFF ME, YOU DUMB OVER-MUSCLED APE WOMAN!” screamed the short one, trying her best to punch the tall one's knees and shins off. “YOU DON'T KNOW THE TRUE VALUE OF ANYTHING!”

The taller Ymir snorted and began to laugh. God, what a brat. She took her other hand and latched it onto the backpack, hefting the other Ymir up and putting her over her shoulder like a sack of Sasha's potatoes. The short one squirmed as she was hauled off, the tall one whistling and looking for a good steep incline downwards. As she made her way over, she noticed a sack of coins hanging off the short girl's belt, taking it and pocketing it.

“PUT ME DOWN! I DEMAND YOU PUT ME DOWN! I'M ROYALTY WHERE I COME FROM HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME I WILL END YOU!” the short Ymir bellowed instead of pleading for her life.

“You're bad at this. Enjoy your trip down, oh Queen Ymir of the Shortstacks or whatever. Come back in ten years when you've learned how to fold steel right. When you get to Hell, tell them the Ape Ymir sent ya.” the tall Ymir grinned, putting the short one on top of the incline and sending her off with a kick to the back. She rolled and rolled, a voice squeaking and screaming down the whole way, until she hit the bottom and flopped into a lake.

“Three points!” laughed the tall one, giving herself a thumbs up and counting the coins she had stolen off the short girl. Wow, were these pure gold? Her and Christa were gonna eat like kings that night. She pocketed it again and began to walk home, stretching and whistling the whole way back.

When she got back home, she put her arms around Christa tight and warm, grinning wide. “Hey, baby, I got a surprise for you~” she said happily, letting the glint of gold from the bag catch her lovers' eye. “We're going to the royals' restaurants tonight!”

“W-where did you get that?” exclaimed a shocked Christa.

“Eh, some short, cheap asshole tried to mug me and steal my name. Let's call this fair trade.” Ymir just let the incident roll off her back, sounding nonchalant.

Christa just nodded and followed her Ymir, not understanding what she meant by stealing her name, but figured it was resolved and it was best not to pry further into the affairs of women named for giants. After all, she was hungry, how could she say no? She could find out the whole story as they ate.

And so balance was restored and the one true Ymir reigned supreme all over that dinner, leaving behind a tower of empty plates and several empty mugs, shaming even the most hale and hearty of soldiers with her appetite. Christa could only watch in a mixture of disgust and arousal, as her favorite gross-ass woman proved herself superior once more.

Stupid short Ymir. Hope it was worth it.


End file.
